Mareyuez

I have never been able to be myself. I have been molded to be a certain way. To behave a certain way. To dress a certain way. To talk a certain way. I was a child and I was happy. Or at least I thought I was. It was when I realized, that I was never allowed to be myself. I couldn’t be myself without their judgments. Their criticisms. I was a child and I thought it was okay to be treated this way. To be emotionally abused. I lost my sense of what happiness is when I learned the truth.

At the moment I saw my life through different set of eyes. I lost all sense of, well everything. Everything I’ve been told was wrong. I finally saw what they were doing to me. How can family purposely hinder your confidence? Hinder your potential? Break you to the point where you’re unfixable? Years! It was years they’ve been doing this to me! Why? What did I do to them to deserve to be treated this way?
Was I that horrible of a person to you?

Then I began standing up for myself. No I had no one in my corner. I was fighting my own battles against you. And oh boy you all hated that and tried even harder to break me. It started to become physical. The hair pull. The slap on my face calling me “worthless”. Yes. I still remember. I remember how I angry I would get trying to defend myself. Too bad your abuse worked and has left a permanent scar. I went back in my tiny dark hole alone. Just so I wouldn’t feel your hands on me again.

I should’ve noticed the way they looked at me sooner. Or noticed their whispers of me. How can they disrespect me? While demanding respect from me. I was only a child. My childhood has been robbed from me. Maybe if I knew earlier, I could have done something about it.

Unfortunately they succeeded. Congratulations! My confidence is still in an all time low. I don’t see or think it will blossom again. I’m just a wilted flower that’s continuously been stepped on. Damn sorry for being in your way.
I was never your daughter. You don’t treat daughters this way.